Bloggin woggin

Mornin! Evenin!

It’s 3:38 here in Thailand and I’m currently sitting at a laundromat with some friends.

Wanted to fill you all in with some life updates,

Thailand version..

started our new ministry this past week (it’s a ministry that works in the red light district, because of this I can’t say a whole lot.. but know they are doing wonderful things and God is showing up in some incredible ways. I’m learning a whole lot 🙂
I saw elephants yesterday. I put on traditional clothing to prepare fruits for the elephants. I fed the elephants. I bathed the elephants. Then said bye to the elephants. It was a joyous time and very emotional. (Pictures included at the end of the blog)

Speaking of emotion… God has been tendering my heart this past year and my group and I recently discussed taking time to process what God has done in our lives these past months and years. I was thinking on what to blog about and this has been so cool to see how God has continued to work on my heart through this mission trip. I just think when you can look back on all of it, it’s quite cool to see the unraveling and big picture of how God has worked in your life. How His slow pace of things actually does work and how intricate He is with every detail in your life. I recently got to share part of my testimony with some of the ladies we are working with and when thinking about what to share, God brought up when I started to question what my purpose was as a woman of God. It was cool talking about that again, because that was the beginning of God working on tendering my heart for Him, for myself, and my life. Back in December I started with that question of my purpose as a woman on this earth. Like, “What does God say about women? What are the desires of my heart? Did God put these desires in my heart? Why do I want to be a midwife? Why do I want to be a mom? Am I only meant to be a mom on this earth? What does the Bible say about me? About women?”Lots and lots of questions. So I began reaching out to the wisest of people to seek some direction and I got led to the Word. Many scriptures and stories later, I could feel the Lord begin to soften my heart. That looked like, on my 18th birthday my mom told some of her friends to write me letters and every single one of them wrote about femininity. Femininity is something the Lord used to soften my heart. In high school I really struggled with femininity as a concept and shied away from it for a while. It felt embarrassing to embrace that side of me. It was mainly tears that scared me even as I was a girl that only spoke positively about tears (“vulnerability is a beautiful thing, crying is strong.. never a weak thing”), but was deep down afraid of showing anybody or even myself that side. So after receiving this big question from God, all these letters and a book my mom gave me about femininity I knew I was about to be unlocking/walking through something that would change my life. Fundraising for this trip began right after my 18th birthday and that looked like going out for coffee with even more wise people. They would give me great advice and pray for me as I shared with them all the exciting things I would be doing in 6 months. It felt like God knew exactly what I needed every coffee date and every time I left those I would feel so full. It felt I was so depleted for so long and I was finally receiving all the things that were of lack in my life. That meant crying a lot more, because I had the energy to feel things I’d been wanting to shove down for a while. I began to go after healing from a friend breakup during this time as well. It was nerve racking, but exciting at the same time. I love to look back on it now and see how God was moving during that time. It’s wild to see how far I’ve come. Proud of my. She did the hard things haha! Excited to see what else He’s got in store. Anywho.. my heart was softening for Him and myself, for life even. Everything was just aligning. His timing, perfect. All this “unlocking my femininity” was honestly my style becoming a bit more girly and just wearing cutie little things that usually I would feel embarrassed to wear. Wearing pink again and liking it haha 🙂 and majority of it was just becoming comfortable with crying again. I was also really stepping into staying humble which I think of as the Lord softening our hearts for Him and life. That became my motto for everything and still is. You stay humble for the Lord and allow Him to work in whatever ways He wants to, through you and around you. Ok!My final two weeks in Georgia before this trip was very special. I felt His presence heavy and really felt like I was soaking in every last minute. I would catch myself getting emotional and allowing myself to feel leaving my family and my friends and beginning a new chapter of my life. Then THIS TRIP was here! Felt God in so many ways. He moved like a flood everyday and was so prevalent all the time. I cried in front of my team the first week at training camp and honestly that was the biggest step in staying humble and my heart softening for the Lord. I had to fully let go of embarrassment from flesh and stay humble for Him. As this trip has gone on I have caught myself becoming emotional at the strangest things. Tis where the elephants come in. They did in fact open my eyes to how much the Lord has worked in my life to the point that I get teary eyed and want to ball my eyes out while petting elephants. *It is a spiritual experience I must say and I recommend it to everyone!* There are many others stories that I will bring home of all the times the Lord showed me things through my tears and how much more He has softened my heart for some of the most simplest things, but for now I shall leave you with this.. stay humble. That’s all!

Peace and love, my <3